Saurabh Tuteja

Missing!

2010-02-02T02:03:00.000-08:00

Its frustrating... i am at loss of words, quite literally! How much hard I try, and how much badly I want to, but I simply am not able to write! Writers block is what I have heard a lot about, but dude... I aint no writer, am just a stupid fellow off the street, wanting to vent his thoughts.

So whats stopping me? Nothing, absolutely nothing but a small mass of shit, ruling from right at the top of this huge frame of body. Yeah, a mass of crap which is behaving for quite some time now! No real activity at the top, dumbness galore, I feel numb at times, by the sheer neglect it shows to any signal to work, to act, to think, to basically do the bare minimum and the simplest of the promised jumbo set of super-speciality tasks!!

It simply refuses to budge, no activity, no response, no signal... at times I feel like I bloody lost it in some crowded place and forgot to search for it! Also a high probability that I lost the communication channel to it somehow! Number changed? Network Down? Just a simple plain dumb unplugged? Dont bloody know!!

Yeah, I miss it! I just hope its a simple rusting issue, and not a major one like complete loss! But I miss it, it was good till it was there, served fairly well. Used to be quite responsive, sometimes I felt proud of it as well. Ahhh... I really miss it :(

Hope I figure out some way to get it back soon!

2010-01-21T03:56:00.000-08:00

jazbaaton ke honey pe, na honey ka bhi khoob asar hota hai!
na hotey hain jab to ye khoob hotey hain, aur jab na hotey nahin to ye bhi nahin hotey!!

Swine Flu!

2009-08-22T11:54:00.000-07:00

Swine flu, a killer virus... it has hogged media headlines like no other disease would have ever done!! 48 people have been "officialy" declared dead and 2539 confirmed cases in the country have been reported as of 21Aug2009 (source: http://mohfw.nic.in/Status%20as%20on%2021st%20August,%202009.doc). Unfortunately, 1 in these 2539 cases (rather more, its one day old!!) turned out to be my wife... fortunately she recuperrated from the deadly virus, thanks to timely steps, and really to the media for actually creating so much awareness amongst the commoners.

But all doesnt seem to be good with this whole thing, here is her story... 8th august saturady, we decided to go to chandigarh, early morning she(vidhi, my wife :)) drove us towards it, on the way, decided to have our breakfast, Haveli, Karnal seemed good to us, beautiful washrooms they had... in the washrooms vidhi saw some foreigners but that's normal right, in such kindaa place. Had a nice breakfast, started next leg of our journey, drove to chandigarh(again her)... and yeah, the highways to chandigarh from delhi are really well done job :) But as soon as we got out of car in chandigarh, she started feeling dizzy, and feverish... soon her condition started to deteriorate, we thought its the heat of chandigarh... so booked a room in parwanoo and stayed overnight there, as we thought it to be a heat stroke, and decided to rest it off rather then drive back. Next day morning, drove back to delhi... contacted her doctor. He told that its unlikely to be swine flu(no travel history, no contact history) but to be more sure, goto the nearest government hospital, which was Lal Bahadur Shastri hospital in mayur vihar... so somewhere around 8 in the evening, on 9th august, we went to this hospital... which seemed like ready to fight the menace... active staff, proper signboards, helpfull attitude... less then 15 minutes, and we were through with her Throat Swab and on our way back, with a strip of "Tamiflu" as a precautionary measure. We were told reports will be out in 4 days... and you will be contacted only if found positive. Our first reaction, 4 days is so long, what if she is really positive? So we decided to dig deeper, and what we found out was, there is no other option but to wait, as no private facility is available for these tests.

Next few days, vidhi stayed in bed, and as advised she cut contacts with any outsiders... she was in a lot of pain, and unfortunately not much could be done, as doctor couldnt even give her antibiotics! Fortunately, her symptoms started to recede in a couple of days... and by the time it was really time for reports to come, she was already out of fever, left with just some congestion of throat and bodyaches. On the fourth day, I decided to visit the hospital again, to collect the reports... but the reply I got was really shocking, no reports yet!!! Till when can you expect?? Dont expect before a week, can take even 10 days... a reply that was agonising to say the least. I collected the rest of her reports(some more tests as suggested by her doctor at the private hospital), next day we met her doc. On seeing the reports, he found some bacterial infection in her throat, so started treatment for the same, as anyways the swine flu reports were nowhere visible. Meanwhile, I called up swine flu helpline, where I was helped by a really nice person, who told me the helplesness in giving reports due to large number of tests happening. So left with no option, and due to her improving conditions, and suggestions by the doctor at the government hospital, that your symptoms will increase if it is actually swine flu, we decided to move on and continue with normal routines. On monday(17th august), she joined back her office... by wednesday, her medication for throat infection got over, and her cough also subsided considerably. Just some weakness, but a normal healthy life had started to follow, when suddenly on saturday, at 9pm, her phone rang... its been 14 days since her first symptoms, and 13 days since her tests... we had all but forgot everything about swine flu... and the person on the other end, informs her, that her reports have come positive!!! She has been diagnosed positive for swine flu. Diagnosed, after disease got killed long ago... diagnosis... after cure!! Shock, anger, frustration, suspicious, worried, traumatised... I never felt so short of words in describing my state of mind! Well, fortunately she is cured, we visited the hospital again, and they say no need to worry... but...

What if she wouldnt have reacted positively to the precautionary medication? What if people around her had actually contracted the dreaded virus?? What about those innocent people, who came in contact with her during the virulent period, and would never know that they actually might have contracted the virus? What about those who she met after more then a week, feeling she actually never had the virus?? Are we seriously serious about stopping this virus from spreading any further?

We asked some of these questions at various stages to various "concerned" people... the people who have been given the responsibility of fighting this menace... Some of the answers we got might actually shock you...

Reports generally do not come before a week, just carry on with your Tamiflu, and hope for the best. What to do, just one lab in the whole of north India. Actually, more then awareness, people are panicky, so rush to the testing centres is causing delay in reports. Our lab just has a capacity of 150 tests a day, and that's the only lab in whole of north India, so what more can you expect?

Well, what more can we expect in this country, which spends the lowest per capita on health care?? Do we really feel, that we will be able to contain this pandemic by just creating one centre for testing in the whole of northern India(havent really researched more on the rest of the country yet... but thats the scenario in national capital, so cant expect any better!!)?

We have been hearing a lot about the government being hyper active, but statistics seems to be baffling... http://mohfw-h1n1.nic.in/stats.html is the place, where the government of Indias, ministry of health website points you for statistics on swine flu... I have been checking this link, since the day honorable minister for health said that all the statistics will be available on our site... its been more then 10 days, and still you only see Under Construction on all the stats links. According to the daily press release by ministry, "13,364 persons have been tested so far out of which 2539 are positive for Influenza A H1N1 [Swine]. 819 out of the 13,364 persons have been identified through entry screening, 1826 through contact tracing and the rest were self reported. " While reading this, I just got reminded of the hoopla being created around the great contacting system devised by the delhi government and respective teams for containing the spread of this virus... out of 13K ppl tested, just 1800 were tested using this contact system... thats less then 1 per 10 ppl tested... and even less then 1 per person tested positive for the whole country... I would be seriously interested in knowing the exact figures for delhi.

All in all, seriously, are we ready to fight this pandemic?? Are we serious about fighting it?? Is our healthcare system stung by bigger viruses then this one already?? Are we already in a bigger pandemic... of laxity, corruption, and worse as it seems in this case, ignorance, negligence and over confidence??

I seriously am in a traumatic state of mind, at the state of affairs... just prayers are what's left... still clueless how our country still survives these "PANDEMICS".

Wishing all those suffering from any disease a speedy recovery, may God Bless All!

p.s.: Here's her story, in her own words...

just a day!

2009-06-10T03:17:00.000-07:00

a day comes when we all realize, the realization which was always their probably, but something or someone makes you feel, the importance of it all... the worth, that it brings to you life, the impact, it is having on you and your future. glaring in your eyes, it agonisingly at times, reminds you, the bitter truths... or sweetly describes to you, the sweet possibilities.

its the days like these, which define your future, which stamp the success or failure of you pasts... its the days like these, when you feel like you have conquered the world, its the days like these, when you are made to accept defeat!!

its the days like these, when either you give up, all the hope, all the reasons, to get to another day of conquer or defeat, or you just get up, and change the course forever, and reach the place, which is designated to you by destiny, but is achieved by you through perseverance and dedication!

its the days like these, when you either become too arrogant, and spoil it all... or you take it nicely in your stride, learn a few things more, and move towards a bigger, a better and a brighter goal!!

its the days like these, which segregate winners from whimpers, and decide what some people call... fate!

Fiction

2009-04-08T05:04:00.000-07:00

she was running frantically, her heart pacing to keep up with the blood flow... she was sweating heavy, all her clothes wet by sweat, her blue slippers had turned red, blood trail from the injury on left feet she suffered on course of this escape was making it a cakewalk to trace her... the dark on this stretch was particularly frightening, it was becoming harder for her to run any further, she was feeling weak in knees, her brain was not responding to anything... horrified, she had even stopped looking up to the heavens, the dark cloudy sky was making her even more petrified... all her prayers were begging for one angel soul!!

from a distance, she could hear some voices, with all the energy she was left with, she ran towards the voices... the air was clearing, she could hear some familiar words, the dialect was also like her own... a bit of an accent, but very local... she could now see a group of youths walking on the road, probably coming back from some party... all were looking like those familiar people, the ones she is so comfortable hanging out with...she thanked god, and shouted out to them... angels, she would have thought, guys she said at the top of her voice, before falling flat on the ground... the one with dimple on right cheek resembled so much to her cute friend, the one who once professed having a crush on her... she felt in safe hands, she was relieved, still breathing frantically, trying to control her heart beats, slowly coming back in shape! shadow of a bearded, frail man was looming from the dark... she got scared again, pointing her fingers in the direction she was coming from... they were quick, immediately sat in the car, and moved her away from the dangerous shadow!

she opened her eyes, dull walls, a weird smell surrounded her... it was a familiar smell, probably of a hospital? and it was paining badly also, she felt like she had been asleep for days, but whats this pain, she never felt it before!! good morning, said someone... yeah, its the hospital, the voice from the nurse... "dont worry, you will be alright, they have been arrested, such animals, god will punish them!", the nurse told her, sympathetically... and handed a letter to her, it was her boyfriends! she was dumbfounded, crying badly after reading it... Goodbye, forever! but why would he leave me, what did I do? her thoughts oscillating b/w her boyfriend, the guy with cute smile and the bearded goon... when suddenly, the nurse put on the TV, and she saw the images of the bearded goon, being flashed all over... the pain was getting unbearable, she was bleeding... she shouted, amidst realization, that she had gone through the worst she couldn't even had imagined, that bloody night... he is dead, told the news reporter, adding that police chief termed him as the real hero!! simultaneous shock waves trembled her, but before she could react any further, she saw image of that cute guy, along with the rest of the gang, being taken away... she froze!

a police officer came to pay visit to her, he had that small paper, the reason for her getting late that night... her appointment letter, which she was clinging to so dearly, but somehow she dropped it in the metro... and that poor illiterate guy, he thought it was very important for her!! ahhh, she thought, and I was running scared of him... poor fellow, and hero, coz he was the one, who saved her, from those decent looking creeps, he followed them too, on foot... saved her, a weird thought ran through, they didnt succeed in their nasty intentions, he saved her... but bleeding? it was him, who got injured, just a small cut she suffered!!

her thoughts were not clear, the bearded goon, that cute guy, her boyfriend...

she talks to them all, beards, dimples, but not to people anymore, she doesnt recognize anyone... the doctor at the rehab she is in, says she would be fine one day, but even she cant tell when!!

Life is a bitch!!

2009-02-05T00:36:00.000-08:00

Ahhh, I know... that was never my idea of life!! and believe me, its not, even now ;) Its just a plain dumb question I am asking, do u really feel life is a bitch?

We go through life, looking out for ways to overcome the difficulties it brings along, trying to shake off the jitters it gives us, reasoning out the sudden shocks it presents us with. We try to live by the moment, or some of us, try to plan out things, to ensure a smooth life... but the end goal, always is to live life to the fullest, in a way that best suits our thoughts, our philosophies. But, more often then not, life has its own ideas, its own goals for you, its own paths and its own ways... which, we probably never discount for, when deciding our own goals for life!!

How many times, have you decided, that this is what I want to achieve... and how many times, have you realized that your goals have been tossed out and you are completely in a new, different territory, a different thought process, and are forced in a direction, which you probably never looked into... at times, completely opposite to your planned path towards your set goals?

How many times, you felt that you got a new lease thanks to the sudden event that happened, or an unexpected thing that forced you to go in probably a better direction than you ever thought?

Well, an old saying goes,"Man proposes, God disposes", how many times in life you felt this to be a true statement?

Have you ever sat down, and compared what you planned for your career, and where is it headed? Have you ever sat down and analysed, what you asked for, as your life partner, and the one you got? Have you ever, stood up, and revolted, against the way you are forced to live your life, as it doesnt match to what you once promised yourself, or the loved one?

Well, probably at times you would really have done most of this, and even more... but how many times, you really think you actually realized, that what you even fought for, is not what exactly you wanted?? How many times you felt, the best effort you put in, was for balancing what life presented you, rather then what you wanted it to do for you??

A plethora of questions, overwhelming emotions, due to situations, that life presents you with... surprises, shocks and what not... life decides its own course for you, and you, just keep on following... sensing victories in defeats of your ideas, your wishes... celebrations of victories, life had over your plans...

But, have you ever really felt bad about it?? Not me, for sure, for all the decisions, of life for me, tend to fall in place... for all the new directions it give, seems to take me ahead!! Life's a bitch, but alas... I love her :)

Our "Leaders"

2008-11-26T22:40:00.001-08:00

Another day, another blast, a few more people dead, the same reactions from our "leaders". A handful of terrorists, a billion plus country, its economic capital, its crawling!! Its a shame, its disheartening, its a tight slap for us, who "choose" our "leaders", and slept blissfully... C'mon India, wakeup now, its high time we take charge, its high time we discard these menaces from society, and take the leap towards becoming a true democracy!!

Someone said, I hope that the upcoming elections bring a new strong government at the helm of affairs... High hopes, I would say!! do we see the current leadership, in the political mindset of votes and constituencies, with just an eye on the chair, and back towards the country, being capable enough of weeding out the fangs of terrorism?? we need the people of this country to unite and fight against the menace!!

What an irony, these politicians very successfully divided even terrorists on communal lines, now we have "Islamic" terrorists and "Hindu" terrorists!! Congratulations! terrorists got baptized, they got religion now, soon they will have their own gods too!!

Wtf man!! Its disgusting, to say the least... c'mon, give us a break!! or atleast urselves a break!! Dont you guys ever feel disgusted on ur own thought streams?? You never feel shameful on the cowardy acts of fooling the janta you try to enact all the time?? You never feel the need to wash yourselves of the sins of murders of so many innocent people that happen because of your inaction? You never feel angry while seeing the insane, mindless, bundle of crap, useless person you see in the mirror daily?

I am Married :D

2008-11-26T22:22:00.000-08:00

A post, on the most important topic of our current lives, "marriage", by someone really really special, "my wife" ;)
http://vidhi82.blogspot.com/2008/11/i-am-married.html

Enjoy! :)

random scribbles!!

2008-11-20T05:00:00.000-08:00

khushiyaan haasil karne ka gham, hai is zindagi pe nahin isse bada koi sitam!
har lamha ye mehbooba ke hothon pe raqeeb ke naam se nahin hai kam!!

haath badao, hoth hilao, muskurahatein khud-ba-khud aaengi,
aankh dholo, dil ki khidkiyaan kholo, zindagi badi khushgawar nazar aayegi :)

aansuon se dushmani mat karna, ye gham ko nikaltey hain!!
par dosti ke laayak bhi nahin, ye hassi ko bhi chupaatey hain!!!

zindagi main zindagi se ek mulaqaat ki khwaaish hai,
in kambakht hassi aur gham ko samajhaney ki guzaarish hai!!

aaj 2 kadam humney badaye hain teri aur ae zindagi,
tu aajaye to tayyar hoon, karunga main teri bandagi!!

I am lovin it!

2008-11-20T04:25:00.000-08:00

It has happened, and how? They start pretty early, specially the seniors around, bugging you, prodding you on every chance they get! They start even before you understand what it means, what it entails, and they continue till "you" get tired, coz. they are the pros!

Tired, I certainly was, of the constant nagging, and bugging, but surely not so tired to be forced into it... what I always wanted was, to understand the scenario myself, to know the consequences, to understand the responsibilities, to prepare for the luxuries, or the shambles, whatever it might bring!! But it did finally happen, at precisely the time it was bound to happen!

Yeah, I agree, I might have given in, but thanks heavens, I didnt have to :) It all just happened in such a perfect synch, at such perfect timings, could not believe I would ever be thanking the stars ;)

But thanking the stars, I certainly am, for I dont think it could have been any better then this... I was never told about the beauty of it all, I never expected to love it so dearly! Have you ever felt the need to pinch yourself? Ahhh, such a relieved man I am :)

Life is beautiful, even in the lows, which are few and far between, even in the mess, which is mostly at bay... life is interesting, even during the lull, which just happens when the excitement comes down a bit... life has found a new meaning, even during the phase of understanding life!!

Have I met life yet?? Am still not sure, but am sure have covered a few good steps towards it... and it has happened pretty fast, and I am surely lovin it :D

Its a SHAME!!

2008-09-14T06:02:00.000-07:00

"Blast hua, dhuaan uttha, shor macha, ab to ye normal si baat hai... ab darr nahin lagta, ye to hona hi hai, ye to hota hi hai, ye to hota hi rahega!!" -- A shopkeeper, whose shop in GK-1 market was one of those affected by the latest blasts that happened in delhi!!

What should I say more? This indeed is shameful, for we are talking about a posh market in New Delhi, the capital city of a country that boasts itself as the next "superpower of the world"!! But unfortunately, this is the grim and sad reality, life has lost its value in this country, where superficial things have become more important for the political class, then the well being of its people! Where blasts have become more frequent then the public transport buses!! Where people no longer look upto the leaders to be strong enough to stop rowdiness in the country, leave alone terrorism! Where any a*****e can get up, decide and bring the whole country to standstill, and the government will keep on sleeping!! Where, leaders are more consumed by a film actors statements, and reaction to those then to plight of the commoner, not having access to bare basics!! Where the media is busier by the day, looking into everything from magic tricks, to miracles, to non existent threat to mankind, to what not!!! Where the ministers can be awarded honours for exemplary courage they display in being extremely callous to the voters plights!! Where, the day starts and ends with prayers, as only some superpower beyond knows how this country is still running!!

The list is endless, but how does it help? No one, just no one is going to listen, it doesnt matter to them!! Some lives dont count in this country of a billion plus to these politicians, thats a vote less from the total, doesnt change the percent dynamics! Let them sleep, let them jet set on world visits, let them stuff up their bank accounts with as much as they can from the public money, let them keep on fighting for the insignificant issues, let them enjoy the luxuries of high office, let them have the courage to still face the nation with the shameless repetition of same old statements, they have so mercilessly mugged up all this while, let them be on their path of nirvana from the tyrannies of life of common man!!

But hey, let us come out of the slumber, let us all not repeat the statement I started off with!! This cant be a routine normal thing, this has to end, and this should end now! But how, let us work towards it, lets stop relying on these bunch of fools who call us our representatives, lets take the charge, and try to change a few things?

I propose a no confidence motion against all our current leaders, part of government, or out of it!

Ease of (co)existence!!

2008-08-26T00:03:00.000-07:00

It aint easy, to exist, we hardly manage to stay put,right? Anyways, cant say what u think about it, but i feel its a constant struggle of existence, that has brought the mankind this far, at a stage, where we are trying to challenge mother nature in a way!!

So, what about coexistence, is that easy?? Well well, a classical thing, can the mankind take credit for doing it all alone? How much of the credit are we ready to give for our existence, to coexistence with other species or even the non-living matter around? Haa, but we sure are ready to accept and credit the co-existence with the unknown, be it spirits, ghosts or the superpowers!! ;P

Well, lets not even talk about different species, are we even ready to credit other people of our own species?? The compartments that exists, at various different levels, be it cast, creed or race, be it class or be it a plain simple geographical boundaries, how much of the credit are we ready to give to the "others" for us being what we are?

What credit dude, we are not even ready to accept the coexistence, not ready to understand the benefits it brings, not ready to value the importance of coexistence!! Just look around, we are constantly fighting, for alienating ourselves from the bigger picture, what an irony!!

Life is Gud ;)

2008-07-18T03:01:00.000-07:00

Life as we know it, has its own ways, of moving, of running, of taking new turns, onto a new direction, adding some different dimensions. At times this new dimension leaves you worried, sometimes u are disappointed, at some other times, u feel frustrated, at some twists it brings, u feel relieved as well. As for me, I am feeling excited and ecstatic at where life has lead me, or rather I should say, us to :)

Yeah yeah, u guessed it right, my life has just become "our" life, and the one who in ways more then one, completed the I and gave this latest Us turn to my life, is a very special person known popularly as Vidhi Ahuja and soon, we are taking the big step :)

We seek your blessings :)

visit us

Neutral Love!!

2008-04-27T05:16:00.000-07:00

An innocuous question I asked, "what wud u call no feelings for someone or something? neutral love?? " snowballed into a major controversy ;P But what was on your mind?? What do you really mean by neutral love?? Why the hell such a stupid thing even crossed your mind?? What do you mean by controversy?? I know, I know, u wanna swarm me with many questions, but please bear with me for sometime, I'll try to answer all your queries :->

Well, first, think about it, what is love?? I know, the same old stupid question, so we wont go deep into it, a simple definition says, love is "a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend". Simple, aint it ;-> Ok, so u have a feeling of attachement, or affection called love, now what is meant by hate?? Simple, a strong dislike for something is hate, in other words, its just the opposite of love!! Its all pretty simple haan, aint it?? But alas, its us dear friends, human beings, living in complex maze of emotions, and
feelings, which cant be summed up so simply, right? But dont worry, we will try to unravel the mysteries ;->

Ok, so lets try it again, there's love, and then its opposite is called hate, and hate is also defined as "neutral apathy". Ahh, interesting, a new phrase, neutral apathy, so what's apathy now?? :O Well, very simply, apathy is "a state of indifference". So, a neutral state of indifference is hate(!!) and opposite of it is love()!!

Ok, now I am not going back to these definitions, but for sure, it cant be these three extremes(yes, 3 extremes, its human emotions, remember?? cant wait for more to come!!!), love, hate, and indiference?? So, what else?? Lets c, so what do you call an emotion, which doesnt qualify for love, but for sure it is some emotion(apathy is too boring u c :P) did I hear liking?? Yeah, here it comes, you may not absolutely love someone or something, but you may still like it, right? Ok, so u reduce the proportions of love, and u reach liking, and u reduce it further u reach
indifference or apathy, and reduce it even more(negative), u reach hate!! Wait a sec, do you really reach hate so easily?? I mean, is there not any equivalent of likeness in negative?? :O Guess there is, a simple dislike.

Uff, its becoming more confusing!! Ahh, I am now having an apathetic feeling towards life, guess am off to himalayas, for the true apathy, "a state of mortification" : And regarding your queries, as they say, "sab moh maya hai" :P

zindagi

2007-11-23T11:02:00.000-08:00

Yun na zindagi se taqraar kiya karo
ye jo ruth jaye, to qaraar kissey hoga?

Ae zindagi, tujhko kya chahiye, ye bata?

2007-09-30T05:02:00.000-07:00

aaj ye tanha zindagi, kuch aisa karna chahti hai,
khud se milakey khud ko, khud hi khuda banna chahti hai!!

kabhi has ke, kabhi rokey, kabhi paakey, kabhi khokey,
kabhi kisi manzil ke paas, kabhi khud se door hokey,
ye khud hi khud ki har hasrat ko poora karna chahti hai,
khud hi har gam ko bhulana, har dard ko adhoora karna chahti hai,

aaj ye tanha zindagi, kuch aisa karna chahti hai,
khud se milakey khud ko, khud hi khuda banna chahti hai!!

har sawaal ke khoye jawaab se sawaal karna chahti hai,
har jawaab dhoondh ke, sawaalon ka hisaab karna chahti hai,
ye khudi hai, khuda hai, par khud se juda hai,
ye khud hi, khuda se insaaf karna chahti hai,

aaj ye tanha zindagi, kuch aisa karna chahti hai,
khud se milakey khud ko, khud hi khuda banna chahti hai!!

dost ki dushmani, raqeeb ki dosti,
har rishtey ke dard ko nasoor karna chahti hai
chahton ke kaanto ko, nafraton ke gulon ko,
khud hi apne gulshan se door karna chahti hai,

aaj ye tanha zindagi, kuch aisa karna chahti hai,
khud se milakey khud ko, khud hi khuda banna chahti hai!!

fursat se furqat ka mazaa lena chahti hai,
nazaaqat se nafrat ko sazaa dena chahti hai,
jo kisi ne diya tha, kisi ne na chaha
dilon se woh dard mita dena chahti hai,

aaj ye tanha zindagi, kuch aisa karna chahti hai,
khud se milakey khud ko, khud hi khuda banna chahti hai!!

mitti ki woh khushbu lauta laana chahti hai,
baarishon ki rimjhim ka mazaa lena chahti hai,
gamon ka woh aanchal, hata dena chahti hai,
khushi se bhi sundar, mazaa dena chahti hai,

aaj ye tanha zindagi, kuch aisa karna chahti hai,
khud se milakey khud ko, khud hi khuda banna chahti hai!!

!!

2007-09-30T04:18:00.000-07:00

a day, that never comes
a night, that never ends,
a life, that just goes on and on
a road that never bends!!

Oh My God!!!

2007-07-22T09:43:00.000-07:00

One day, I met him, and he asked me, "What do u want, Vats"? Oh my god, he is standing there, right in front of you, asking for ur wish :O

Ummmmm,mmmm....... after much thought,all I could utter, and that too, barely managed a murmur, "all I want is everything". Uff, he is god, he knows everything, you simply cant hide anything from him. Well, still he asked me something, that shook me, literally woke me, with shock, was what it took me.

He asked me, "can you define any single thing, that would constitute your `everything`?". What??? No, it cant be, you dont expect such stupid questions, that too from god himself!! and you thought that "Mensa's" first member must have been his almighty himself!!

With all the courage I gathered during this thought, and the conviction I had, through my IQ definitely greater then 'GOD', I gave him the look, bordering precisely on surprise, shock, and sympathy, and with a popeyishly curved mouth asked him, "What??", "Define what?" and then started staring at him, waiting for his trillion rupees smile to switch over to nana patekarsque anger, but instead got a sheepish smile, and a look bordering very precariously between, a no-teeth harmless and cute, childish smile, to again a no-teeth harmless, but well studied, experienced smile of an old man. And very calmly, he asked again, "yes my dear, can you define the things, that will constitute your everything? Do you want every single penny that will give you power to buy all the things, money can buy, or would you be happy to have every single nation under your flag, or having every single present, past and future living being as your slave will satisfy your need for everything?? Can you in the world define what constitutes your idea of everything?"

Hey, now thats insane, I asked for a simple, plain, no-nonsense thing, everything! If you dont have enough powers, or courage, then please, dont try to fool me into these stupid definitions. Hey hey hey, whats this weird laughter all about? Well, was it me or him, I dont know, cant say(:O), but he left, laughing like the 'rofl' and telling me to think about it!!

Think about what, I need everything man, and it was you, who asked me for my wish, and now, all this? I just need everything........

Yep, I know, my tracks stuck on everything, and quite frankly, am not able to think what would constitute this everything!! All the money... nah, there are somethings money can't buy! All the love... hey, but can even god promise you that??? Dont know....

Well, guess my first wish would be to be able to meet someone, who can define for me, this thing that we call, everything! But once again, who will it be?? Please god, if you can help me meet, for once, that someone, life, I think the only one, who possibly can help me understand things....

Arghhh, he is laughing till now, thankfully, have stopped rolling, just smiling, dont no what, cant say why :( Hey god, I know I will be able to count your teeth as well, the day I meet life :)

And, my philosophy for life, once again....

Kuch pal hai zindagi, fir palon ka hisaab koi nahin poochega...
Ek sawaal hai zindagi, fir koi jawaab tu nahin dhoondhega!!!

nikla hoon dhoondhne jawaab us ek sawaal ka,
us ek sawaal main chupey kai sawaalon, aur unke kai jawaabon se uth kharey hue ajeeb hisaabon ka,
mil jaye zindagi, to ye sab sawaal fir nahin poochega,
mil jaye woh khushi to gamon se bachav fir nahin dhoondhega!!

Ek sawaal hai zindagi, fir koi jawaab tu nahin dhoondhega!!!

Ek Mulaqat!!!

2007-03-11T10:50:00.000-07:00

Ek sapna, dekha nahin tha, ye sapna socha tha, chaha tha, bas ek baar, ho mulaqat unsey, ho dil ki har baat unsey! Pooch loon dil ki har baat, har sawaal ka maang loon jawaab. Bol doon saari hasraton ka haal, kar loon har shiqayat, dhoondh loon saarey jawaab!! Kya, kyun aur kab, kahan ki saari guthiyan suljha loon, dimaag ki saari uljhaney mita loon! Bas ho ek mulaqat, aur ho har woh baat, jo sochi thi kabhi, samjhi nahin. Khul jayein saarey taaley, mil jaye har uljhan ki chaabi! Ho har mushkil ka samadhaan, mil jaye param gyaan! Bas ek sapna, ho ek mulaqat zindagi se!! Bas jiya hai ek khwaab, milna chahta hoon, zindagi se.

Zindagi main, zindagi ko, zindagi ka intezaar aaj bhi hai!!

Ae zindagi tu milegi ek din :)

Lekin kyun, aur kaise milegi zindagi?? Aur kya bata paegi zindagi?

Kabhi yu tanha akele bhi baitha karo,
Zindagi kuch kehna chahti hai tumhey!
Kabhi issey bhi toh mila karo,
Apney dil ke haal batana chahti hai tumhey!!
Kai sawaal, kuch talaash main bhaagtey ho, har waqt har ghari,
Un sawaalon ke jawaab hi toh bataana chahti hai tumhey!
Tumhey khud se, aur khud tumsey ru-ba-roo karana chahti hai tumhey!!
Mushkilon main sahi rah dikhaana chahti hai tumhey!!
Kabhi yu tanha akele bhi baitha karo,
Zindagi kuch batana, kuch samjhaana chahti hai tumhey!

2007-03-11T10:48:00.000-07:00

Lamhon ki karguzarish hai kuch aisi,
kabhi hum tanha nahin hotey, kabhi dil tanha nahin hota!!

Main Kaun? khamkhah :D

2007-03-11T10:41:00.000-07:00

Kaun hoon main, aakhir kya hoon main?? Ye ik sawaal hai, aur ye iska jawaab, ya shayad jawaab dhoondhney ki koshish!!

jawanon ki rifle liye, civilian begana hoon!!
nawaabon ki mehfil main, shayar dewaana hoon!

khwaabon ki chadar main, jeene ka bahana hoon!!
afsano ke maikhane main, haqeeqat ka paimana hoon!

mahayodhaon ki is jung main, lekhak anjaana hoon!
andhon ki is duniya main, dono aankh se kaana hoon!!

daud bhaag ke is daur main, alas ka nana hoon!
crorepati ki chakachaundh main, main 16 aana hoon!!!

A Date :D

2007-02-14T04:51:00.001-08:00

A discussion with a friend on V-day, regarding, well my date :D

me : main aaj late aaya tha, 1:30 pahuncha tha office :D

friend : ohh oo

late??

aaj??

kya baat hai??

me : haan, date maar raha tha :D

friend : kiske saath??

mujhe nahi bataoge??

me : bataoonga, kyun nahin bataoonga

friend : fir batao naa

me : uska naam hai nidra

friend : hahhhaaa

very funny

me : not funny, serious

friend : bahut funny naam hai tumahri gf ka..

me : i was literally in her arms :D

friend : oohh oo

me : so i spend some quality time with her today :)

and even now, m thinking about her

friend : gud hai

me : isiliye kuch kaam nahin ho pa raha ;)

friend : ohh

i can imagine

u must be missing her

me : very dearly

i will be mtng her again, tonite ;)

hopefully :)

friend : i can imagine...

me : don't imagine so much

acchi baat nahin hai :P

friend : hehehe

m happy to knw dat u had a gr8 time

me : yep had an awesome time :D

but she is still in my eyes

m just fearing, no body else sees her

friend : haan ab itna kaam karoge.. aur itna kam milke aaj mile ho itne time baad to miss toh kar hi rahe hoge

me : nahin meri koshish to hoti hai rozana milne ki

friend : u cud have spend some more time with her..

me : aur milta bhi hoon, but time kam hi parta hai humesha

ya, i was also thinking about it

but fir duniya ke taaney, u know wat i mean :D

friend : chalo koi nahi

meet her tonight ;)

ya i knw

me : yes, m eager to meet her tonite

friend : gud hai
chalo, gotta go :)

u keep "dreaming" about nidra

Crossroad!!!

2006-12-07T08:47:00.000-08:00

Zooooomm!!! Ahh just missed, that bus was a daemon, it almost ran over me! Arrey, you should wait a little bit more. It is all about right timing. You have reached here, are in a hurry,and god whole city seems to have come on roads. That too from this very direction, and why the hell these policewalahs have to stand here, why dont they simply put the red lights into service? You scream in your heart, arrey uncle(sounds more civilized then mammu) this junta will take a century to pass by, are you going to make us(u actually meant me only) wait till then.

Then u see one, two, three buses pass by, and simply keep on cribbing your luck, waise what can you do more than that. You are also very sure that once you manage to reach there not even a single bus will come.

Isn't it always so true in life, what u want most in life, what is most important to you at that moment , becomes most elusive , but when u r standing at a distance, it all seems so enticingly simple and get able. Grass is always greener on the other side.

Screeetch!!!... Wat was that, oh that bloody car broke his bicycle, see at that tyre, it seems like he will have to reinvent the wheel!! That fellow should have waited a little more, just a few seconds, and he would have been crushed under those wheels, and just a few seconds more, he would have been right on his way, probably till the next crossroad!!

Oh, finally uncle has whistled the traffic to stop, but to no avail!! Who listens to these whistles, and who the hell believes in following rules! They will stop only when they will be forced to!! So, we at least will now reach half way mark. But then you think about the other path, offo had you used your brains, and crossed from the other side, you could well have avoided this stretch of red light :( No, but wasn't that a long way! Alright, I got what you are thinking, short cut is not a way to success, you had to go the whole hog, take longer routes to reach your destinations, but as they say you reach your destination early if you avoid short cuts. But, would it have been worthy of the effort?! I mean, think of it, would you really have caught that bus?? Wouldn't you still be waiting for the bus to arrive and thinking about the greener grass on the other side?!?!

Oh, finally traffic has been stopped, you now can walk across, and yes, you are right, start waiting!! And in the meantime, also pitying the poor people, who seem so hassled to cross the road. Why the hell do they seem in such a hurry? Why can't they just wait a bit more? Why can't they just leave a bit early so as to avoid the hassles of crossroads? How stupid, if they take the other route, they would be here by now!! Yes, life comes full circle!! Yes, you do reach across the crossroads! And yes, you will reach the next .....

On the crossroads of life,

When you and life are having a fight!

Just try to see others plight!

And let your imagination take a flight!

2006-11-20T10:11:00.000-08:00

Tanha itna bhi nahin, ke zindagi bilkul bore lagey!
Log itne bhi nahin ki awaazein bilkul shore lagey!!

Udaasi itni bh nahin, ke zindagi kati patang ki dore lagey!
Khushi itni bhi nahin, ki zindagi nachta hua mor lagey!!

Zindagi main paana bahut hai abhi!!!
Thoda khone se fir kyun zindagi itni sour lagey?!?!

Musafir...

2006-08-19T23:23:00.000-07:00

Thoda dheere chalo rahi manzil aa hi jayegi.